The kiss
by riley2009
Summary: The kiss that change everything I own nothing
1. Chapter 1

Callie pov

I look up and see Arizona looking at me through the glass. The look on her face tells me she saw everything. I am frozen in my spot do I talk to her if I do what do I say. After my internal battle I decide to just turn and walk to the trauma I was called in for. The next day I have my weekly therapy session. Both Arizona and I decided we would continue individually to help us communicate for Sofia's sake.

So I went on a date last night. "How did it go" the therapist ask. It was ok I guess I got called back to the hospital for an emergency so we had to cut it short. She walked me into the hospital and kissed me.

"Ok how did that make you feel?"

Good I guess it was nice to feel wanted but then Arizona saw us.

"So you two are done you ended it, why would it matter that she saw you?"

It doesn't I guess but the look on her face she just looked so devastated. What if she still loves me?

"Why would you think she doesn't?"

Come on you were in those session you heard everything she cheated on me. Who does that if you are still in love with some one.

"Callie people cheat for lots of reasons lack of love usually isn't the problem. "

So what are you saying I'm the problem.

" No that is not what I said. Lack of love is not the problem. You are right I heard everything. you too love each other more than most couples I deal with but you don't trust each other. You told me that Arizona begged you not to cut off her leg to not give up on her but you had no choice but to do that to save her life. She felt that by you taking her leg you gave up on her and your relationship."

I didn't though I gave us the only shoot at a future at least that's what I thought.

"Did you really think that?"

Of course why would you even ask that.

"I don't know you tell me?"

I am not sure what you are getting at.

" Ever since then you told me things have been strained in your relationship correct?"

Yes because she blamed me.

"Did she blame you or did she just feel like you gave up on her?"

I never gave up on her I kept pushing her to get back to her old self the person I fell in love with.

"But that just it Callie she is not that person anymore and nothing you can do can bring her back. She experienced a life changing lost. She needed time to grieve that and come to terms with who she was now. She needed to feel good about her self again and feel beautiful in her own skin. The leg is not the problem how she feels about herself and how you make her feel is the real issue."

So I made her feel worse about herself by loving her too much.

"Callie you are not listening to me. I am not blaming you I think you have a lot of guilt inside and you are projecting that."

What would I have to feel guilty about I was not the one that cheated.

"This is not about the cheating I think you feel guilty about letting her down about feeling like you were not good enough doctor to save her leg and maybe feeling guilty that if you just went to Boise when they were found you might have been able to save the leg. So ever since you made that call you have been trying to fix everything including Arizona and somewhere along the lines you stopped listening to what she was telling you she needed from you."

I made the right call she would have died and I could not let that happen.

"I understand no one thinks you made the wrong call."

Arizona does she continues to blame me.

"She may have at one time but I don't think she does now. I think she needed to grieve but she felt she couldn't because she was so afraid of losing you that she put on a happy face and pushed through to be the wife you wanted her to be, her old happy self. You can only do that for so long until it blows up and it did. After the miscarriage you escaped to work and she slowly imploded. You both felt like you couldn't grieve together because you were both so afraid of not being enough anymore but you see by not communicating no matter how hard and painful it would be you both actually created the path you were trying so hard to avoid. Well I hate to do this but our time is up. We can continue again next week."

Can I maybe have an extra session this week? I would really like to keep talking about this and a week seems to long. Is Arizona coming in today?

"Callie you know I can't talk about my session with Arizona."

I know, I know I just want to be sure she is ok.

" Callie I can promise you this no matter what happens from here on out Arizona will be just fine."


	2. Chapter 2

An: sorry some feel this is a bash Callie ff that is not the case. This is just a calzona fan trying to process. I have listened to " Away" by Melissa Etheridge a lot lately and I think it explains what I feel is happening to both of them and how they got here. Anyway here's the next chapter.

Arizona's pov

I come around the corner and see Callie coming out of our therapist's office. I stop in my tracks hoping she does not come this way. I have been avoiding her since seeing her and her date kissing last night. Real mature I know but I just don't know what to say. So I avoid. Thankfully she does not look this way and heads in the opposite direction.

Guess it is my turn. I open the door and take a seat. I have been trying to talk more about my feelings and it has helped me be more opened but after last night I am not feeling very chatty.

"Arizona how are you today" the therapist asks.

"I'm fine thanks how are you" I reply.

I'm good but we are not here to discuss my feelings now are we" she says with a little humor to her tone.

"No I guess not, " I reply.

"So how have things been since our last session" she asks

"Fine , good actually Herman is doing well ... I have my boards next month so I have been busy."

"How about Sofia?"She asks me.

"She is great she is talking more and more every day and she is so smart. It really is a miracle how far she has come" I reply so proudly.

"Well she does have two amazingly smart mothers I would expect nothing less" .She says

"Yeah so smart she threw her life away" I say under my breath

" What was that" Dr smith asks

"Nothing I didn't say anything" I quickly say knowing she heard me

"Arizona this will only work if you are completely honest in here this is a no judgement zone but I can not help you if you don't talk about what you are feeling.".

"I am talking " I say I little sharply

"I think there is something else you want to talk about isn't there" she states.

"Why did Callie say something " I ask

"Arizona you know I can't discuss Callie's session with you"

"I know ... but I saw her leave here and I know her she would talk about what happened last night." I tell her hoping she would give me a little hint as to what was discussed.

"How about you tell me what happened last night in your own words" She asks

"Well I was called down to a trauma in the ER and I was approaching the doors I saw Callie with her date. They were kissing. I did not know what to do so I just stood there starring at them like some creepy stalker. After her date left she saw me." I say rather quickly to get it all out.

"Ok did you two talk about it? " Dr smith asks

"No she just turned and walked away. We've been avoiding each other ever since. Well I have been avoiding her, not sure what she has been doing." I say

"Why have you been avoiding her? " she asks

"I don't know it was just awkward what do I say ...so how was your date. I don't want to know and I have no right to have any feelings or opinion about it". I say

"Why do you feel you have no right to feel anything about what you saw? "she asks me.

"Because I caused this ...it's my fault we are here now. I cheated and broke her heart. It was the one thing I swore I would never do yet I did and no amount of sorries can change that." I reply

"Ok but again this is your safe place you are aloud to have feelings and opinions in this office. So how did seeing her with someone else make you feel?" She asks me.

After thinking about it for a few minutes i say " I don't know I guess I felt hurt, jealous , sad but I guess mostly I just wanted to be the one to bring that smile to her face not some random date and I know I will never be the person to make her smile like that again. I hurt her to much and she will never truly forgive me for it. She is moving on with her life and I need to find away to do that too but I can't she has and always will be the one for me. God how did I become this person. I was taught to protect the things I love yet I did just the opposite ... I destroyed the one person I loved more than anything. "

"Ok we'll then let's talk about that ...What where you thinking the day you cheated."

"Obviously I wasn't thinking or it would never of happened. God I hate this" I say as tears are running down my face.

Arizona the only way this will work is if you are totally honest with me but even more important you are honest with yourself. Our time is about up but why don't you make an appointment for tomorrow and we can continue this then.

"Ok yeah that would be good I really need to process this before talking to Callie ." I say as I stand to leave the office.


End file.
